My heart is hurting today. I miss school and friends and Miley. I miss people who lift me up. I miss people who I may never see again.
God help me to remember that you are still good and I have been blessed.
At least Carrie had pig blood.
I just don’t know how to do this, you know?
It’s like I have to bury myself alive and then throw
my withered hand into the air screaming
“I am okay! I have come out of it! I am better off!”
but like, the truth of it is that there’s still pounds
and pounds of mud on top of me and
it’s a god-damn miracle that I can breathe at all.
How many times have people used a pen or paintbrush because they couldn’t pull the trigger?
Virginia Woolf (via dearscience)
(via girlvswhale)
i reblogged this before but we actually started playing this game and it has resulted in spilled drinks, flying cigarettes, and friends getting hit in the gut with 5lb crystal balls
it is fantastic
(via postcardsofyou)
Paradox
I don’t know what made that happen.
I closed my eyes and my insides swelled, a balloon about to pop.
One more breath and I would break.
So I stopped but the tears did not.
I thought of him, his fool’s gold eyes.
I thought of her sharp, icy grip.
I thought of all the words that were said or weren’t said and are now scarred into my upper thighs.
I thought about the tree that fell in the storm and I was scared and you were quiet.
I thought about your whispers and my curiosity shushed with “boys only.”
I thought about crying because I knew I was fat and ugly as a little girl.
I thought about when you said I’d never make the team.
I thought about “bitch” and “selfish.”
I thought about trying to help and it never being enough.
I don’t know when it happened but at some point I realized I wasn’t enough and that I was too much at the same damn time.
And I tried to make it better.
I did the dishes, I got good grades, I sang.
And I ate and cut and marinated in sadness topped with a faked smile.
Because no matter how much I try, I will still be too much and not enough at the same damn time.
Love, love, love this.
(Also, good marketing strategy.)
One of the saddest things is when someone doesn’t care about any one but themselves. And the saddest part is when they are a member of your family. I am both angry and heartbroken at the same time. I am worried for the sake of my mental health. How do I not let this get to me? 98 days until I can leave.
So much brokenness as this year ends. There was so much good. That is the nature of this world, good paves a strong path but evil and pain infiltrate the cracks, ripping deeper. One of the prettiest things though, is when moss and grass shoots up from those cracks. There is hope. And the knowledge that growth is possible, where it seems dark, keeps me going.
People died this semester.
Relationships changed.
People aren’t coming back.
But I have been blessed. And I have been loved. And I will continue to love because I have seen the dark and I crave the light.
